Rogue thoughts behind bars
“Nothing is either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”
-Hamlet
In a moment of epiphany, I connected with Hamlet, a prisoner of his own thinking and of his knowledge that his stepfather is a fratricide and mother incestuous. He is not indulging in ethical relativism as much as wishing for blissful ignorance.
Each one us are either victims or victors of our riotous thoughts. Depending on our position in the thought realm we are either ruing the day we were born or reigning in our moment under the sun.
It is difficult to measure the quality of life a person is experiencing on the basis of outward appearances. The vagabond on the street could be happy and healthy despite his derelict appearance while, the person on the office chair wearing a crisp suit may be struggling to hold it all together!
The old lady who continued to sell vegetables down my street during lockdown with peace writ large on her wrinkled face is an enduring image of such a reigning queen who is breezing through life despite the difficult circumstances. But, we are conditioned to identify queens only in glitter and glamour. High time we treat the blind-spots in us, if we want to bring some light on our planet.
Vicktor. E. Frankl, the renowned and inspiring Psychologist and Psychotherapist who survived the holocaust wrote “Everything can be taken away from a man, but but one thing: the last of the human freedoms- that is to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” In a nutshell, thoughts become attitude and attitude becomes the carpet one walks on.
Thoughts and attitude are inter-related. The quality of our thoughts depends on the general attitude we carry. So, how is attitude created? In the yogic tradition there are ‘vasanas’ and ‘samskaras’ which are nothing but imprints we carry in our mind due to our experiences. Usually, childhood experiences and long-standing experiences even in adult life can create either positive or negative attitude.
If a child grows up with put-downs, his attitude may be belligerent, hostile and rebellious. Even a positive remark from another may be perceived through the lens of suspicion and hostility.
Therefore, thoughts can be judgmental rather than evaluative, condemning rather than compassionate, discouraging rather than motivating, sabotaging rather than empowering…do you get it?
If you want to change your life, pay attention to the quality of your thought life in any given situation. You can do a simple task to make every rouge thought captive and put them behind bars.
Journal your thoughts
Keep a record of thoughts that come to you regarding a person or an incident or even randomly and write them down in a notebook.
Find your need
Try to find what need is being met by that thought. Suppose you think that your friend was downright rude when she did not complement you on your new dress…then perhaps your need was for appreciation. Now think what could be your friend’s need at that moment. It was perhaps she had other important things on her mind or her taste is different and she values authenticity and does not say things because of beside manners and not that she was jealous. sic.
Know thyself
Knowing your needs will help you to know yourself. You are a sum total of your needs and motivations. Knowing your needs will help you find ways to fulfill them consciously. In the above example, if appreciation is what you need, then who else but you can be the first person to meet that need in you.
There is no substitute for self-love. Others treat us the way we treat ourselves. Secondly, we can think of other strategies to meet the need of appreciation. However, be cautious that in the process of getting appreciation we do not become people-pleasers!
Digesting experiences
This way of digesting experiences with self-knowledge and compassionate thinking for others and for ourselves will help us digest experiences in a healthy and conscious way which leaves the least imprint or residue in our mind.
These gentle imprints will fade away easily if they were unpleasant and will not color our consciousness like stubborn stains that create negative attitudes.
Rumination and compulsive thinking is what creates negative attitude and generates negative thought pattern which becomes our aura without our knowledge, like a thief who enters through the back-door.
Graceful living
Catch hold of at least three thoughts everyday and do the work . Over a period of time, you will experience the reward of your labor.
Scriptures say, ‘Work out your salvation in fear and awe’. The inner work is crucial to make us beautiful inside out and make our life count. I believe this is grace and graceful living and that is perhaps why a life-time is given to us.
Do share your views if this resonates with you.
