Whose job is it to keep you happy?
Living in a world that is genius at pointing fingers, shifting blame, judging, analyzing and framing others for their woes, the headline may bring on a frown at my chagrin!
It did make me distraught when languishing in the cesspool of victimhood, I toyed with the idea of taking responsibility for my happiness rather than bask in the halo of martyrdom and wait for situations and people to make me happy.
It has been my observation that although we are equal in most aspects, we aren’t in some significant areas. These significant areas are the world of thoughts and emotions that we dwell in, every moment of the day.
Every action of ours is preceded by a thought which is the stimulator and most often, all actions are succeeded by a thought which is a judgment, evaluation or conclusion. These thoughts cause a certain feeling. These feelings can be positive or negative. Positive feelings are responsible for the happiness quotient that most of us are searching for.
So, how aware we are about our thought and feeling world makes all the difference. Awakened people have done some inner work and are super confident in their skin and in all situations because they choose the right thoughts that create the good feeling.
They have nothing to prove to anyone. They are uber- grounded and none can nudge them off their groove or play with their emotions unless they permit. They are humble, simple, supremely happy and care two hoots in a compassionate way about what people think of them.
I have been curious about these people around me. They do not stand out, but stand up for their core values. You don’t hear them making grand speeches but they say a lot by their silence and few golden words. They do not have neon signs emblazoned around them announcing their status, but own the space they occupy and may be the only ones who will know the significance of their achievement and on-lookers will acknowledge them with a condescending applause at the end of their journey.
I decided to embark on self-exploration when I realized that happiness was elusive and worth looking for. I felt a certain dissatisfaction at a certain juncture of my life and fortunately circumstances provided me with the luxury of working on my inner world.
It took me a while to realize that most human interactions in the world are based on benefits and not the catechism that we learnt in school. When benefits do not come, relationships and associations can fall apart, become strained, stressful and unsatisfactory.
Most often than not, due to ignorance, we expect certain things from others which we are equipped to give to ourselves— that is approval, love, esteem and validation. In retrospect, I became aware that I was wearing myself thin to maintain a certain image that was socially acceptable and costing me more than just the toil.
Psychologists claim that people thrive in associations and relationships where there is mutual appreciation and congruence of value system. But in a hedonistic world, appreciation is used as a tool with ulterior motives and values do not matter. Isn't this one of the reason for unfulfilling relationships and dissatisfaction in authoritative work cultures.
Why am I opening this Pandora's box? I value authenticity, beauty and excellence. I believe in letting the truth shine away the shadows wherever they may be. No person is superior or inferior. We only have powerful people ruling over the people who surrender their power. The ones who are powerful have figured out not only themselves but also the other.
It is my wish that every person walks in full awareness and possession of their personal power and the world is populated with happy people who are not living off each other’s energies.
One day, I decided to lay down the image that I had worked for, pulverize it and let the little girl loose to think for herself, express and nourish herself back into integrity and congruence with her inner world. And that was the difficult beginning of my journey in search of happiness.
I learnt some profound universal truths by permitting myself to become a student of life once again. The world now became an university from the playground, stage or whatever the great poets have perceived it to be. In this university, the tests come first and lessons come later; that is if you are open to receive them.
Here are some behaviors that can increase your happiness quotient. Check them out.
Self-actualization and Support
Nirvana is, that there is nothing we need from others but good company will surely make us thrive. If you have no such friend, then dig good reads. It is said “ Books are man’s best friend.’ Support from even one genuine friend is great and that person most likely is your soulmate.
It is worth finding this one person on your life journey. Chances are that this person may not show up as the proverbial charmer who will wake you up with a kiss. The person may be an ugly toad or even a disguised angel. The point being, appearances can be deceptive. Be kind and have the ability to look beyond the skin.
Humility
Wisdom has to be earned with humility. Humility is not subservience and thinking less of yourself. On the contrary, it is having the courage to carry your vulnerabilities with courage and strengths with grace. Such courage and grace is a great recipe for happiness.
Identify your needs.
An inexpensive ice-cream can make a child happy, whereas a woman may need a shining rock! Things that make us happy change according to our age, gender and circumstances in life. However, a deep dive will reveal that the things that bring us happiness are meeting some need in us.
Children have a need for novel experiences and as we become older our needs become more complex. Instead of blaming people for not meeting our needs and keeping us happy, it may serve us well to sit down and serve some generous dollops of self-love and identify our needs. “ Hey dear, have I ever told you how awesome you are even on your worst bad hair days?”
Avoid judgments, try evaluations.
Unhappy people do not show up in the world with the right energy emerging from their thoughts and emotions. We usually judge appearances, words and actions which end up skewing our chances of happiness. it isn’t said for nothing that “Ignorance is bliss.”
It is a good idea to put on hold judgments if one wants to be happy. You may evaluate a situation. A miserly person in one situation can be a generous one in another. People show up in different colors in different settings. So keep an open mind and an accommodating heart to keep your mojo intact.
Avoid toxic people and settings.
In a situation where people are starved of self -love, there is a lot of noise, pecking order, back-biting, domination and gas-lighting. Avoid such toxic places or learn how to take care of yourself in such situations.
To anyone who is wishing for a happy, fulfilling and meaningful journey through this world, I strongly recommend that you do make some time to know, love, heal thyself and rebuild.
After all, we love restructuring, redesigning, remodeling and reassembling our living spaces. However, the renovation that matters in the long run is that of the self which is going to accompany you forever.
Make your days count. If this write-up resonates with you, then do get back with a thumbs up. Thankyou.
