You can croak like a frog and yet enjoy your song!
Who said that bathroom singers can’t sing?
“The only permission, the only validation and the only opinion that we require in our quest of greatness is our own.”
- Dr Steve Maroboli
I proudly ventured to belt out my favorite song while my dear aunt and cousins heard me in rapt attention one afternoon during siesta. My aunt had rounded us, a bunch of loafing-happy kids on summer vacation. She was conducting an impromptu singing competition for the seven of us. I was barely ten, eager and dreamy -eyed as children usually are. Going through a phase of idolizing singers and fancied being one myself!
I wrapped up my rendition confidently and waited in anticipation for the verdict. My dear aunt looked at my mom who was reclining nearby and commented, “Our girl can’t sing to save her life, can she?” My mom just smiled and gave me a benign look. The expectancy that had built up in me for compliments fizzled out as I heard those condemning words and my dream shattered into smithereens.
At that moment, I felt more than disappointed. I felt a sense of shame. A inner voice took birth in my upper chamber that pronounced, “ You are not good enough. And dare you open your mouth again and make yourself a laughing stock!” I was afraid to dream since then.
I thought this inadequacy had to do only with my singing. I continued to hear songs. Was in awe of singers as I grew up. But felt sorry that my singing was not impressive. However funnily I felt okay with my singing in the bathroom.
Whenever an occasion for singing came my way, I would begin apologetically and sure enough would go a note higher, tottering up there till the it became comfortable, then I would look at the faces watching me and try to gauge from their expressions if I was making the cut? If the expressions were dead pan, I would feel emboldened to finish off the song! Gosh! I would say to myself, “At least nobody commented!”
As I grew into a teenager. I turned out to be a shy girl. My lack of confidence in singing somehow seemed to trickle into other areas. I began looking for people to give me feedback of my performance. I doubted myself even when I received raving compliments in some skills.
Why am I writing about this experience? Many of us have such childhood experiences and have our confidence and joy mutilated at its conception. We grow up but have a nagging feeling of inadequacy that robs us of the inherent joy and our faces grow longer as we get older. Disillusionment stares from such joyless eyes and we lose the wonder of life!
“Seeking validation will take us to place where we seek it from people who are not even valid!”
I became a mother of two cute kids. I was very keen that they learn to sing and play an instrument. Probably because I felt that this ability made one’s personality so much more attractive and enriched their lives too in the process.
My son had a natural ear for music and began bringing home prizes from school. My daughter, two years younger to him watched her brother being rewarded with hugs and yelps of delight as he proudly displayed his trophies.
One day, my second- grader in pony- tails announced that she was going to participate in the singing competition at school. I gave her a long look. I had judged her voice to be a perfect example of a ‘croak’. “Are you sure?”, I asked concerned. She confidently answered me in the affirmative. I persisted curiously, “What song are you going to sing?”. “Country Roads…..”, she announced coolly. I was stupefied. I remembered my childhood experience and decided to keep my comments to myself.
My girl began her practice. I heard her from the kitchen, “Country road take me home, to the place I belong…..sputter sputter….” she trailed off. I thought to myself, “ Ohh my God, what has got into her? Why does she want to take part in that blessed competition? Who is going to tell her that its not her cup of tea?” I waited for her to give up. But no! She continued with her practice after school to my amusement and pity. After four days I asked her again if her name was still on the list or had she cancelled ?
To my chagrin she nodded,” Yes mamma, I am. See, I am getting it!” I washed my hands off mentally and thought that very soon the judges will put my girl’s ambition to rest. Two days prior to the competition she got past “ I belong West Virginia…”, I felt hopeful, “At least she will not have to get off the stage midway with the song hanging in the air!”
The day of the competition arrived. I ironed her uniform, plaited her hair and made sure she turned out neat and crisp. I spent the noon praying that she will be spared embarrassment and waited for her get back home. I went to pick her up from the school bus. My never-give- up girl was getting down from the bus triumphantly. She excitedly told me that she got the second prize! I was dumbfounded.
My moppet has continued to surprise me. She has turned around her average skills to winning ones. I know for sure that she does not break her head about what people think or say about her. The voice in her head is different.
So, what does the voice in your head say? Do you realize that your day, your destiny, your joy and power comes from that voice in the head that we call automatic voice or self-talk?
Do spend some time to check your inner audio and reset it to get your power back. A large segment of the population suffer from depression and from delusion too on the other side of the spectrum due to distorted self-talk.
If being happy , down -to -earth and confident is your number one goal in life, then you should have a date with the self- critic.
Coming back to my singing. I have noticed that my melody is improving as steadily as I let go of people’s opinions and judgements.
