Your next relationship depends on how you end this one!
Life is a sum of relationships: whether work or personal. The word ‘relate’ boils down to the dynamics and vibes we exchange with people ; Family, friends, acquaintances and workplace.
Not all connections with people are heartwarming, nurturing and pleasant; some are offensive, taxing, depleting and downright unpleasant. Unhealthy relationships are toxic unless you have a tough hide. For those, who are not gifted with leather on their back, it is better to take a call on such associations.
Here are a few points to consider as you plan to take the plunge and move on. These points will increase the chances of success in your next association.
Before the plunge
Is the existing relationship worth the cost?
Putting a price on your relationship does sound quite cold and calculating. But, lets be real. Life is a series of transactions. Whether it is taking in oxygen given by the plants and giving out carbon-di-oxide in exchange or hubby doing up the dishes to put his beloved in a good mood.
Society and culture has ingrained into the us the saying that ‘relationships are enduring and eternal and that you cannot give up on people’. We have taken the statement at its face value. It is the abstract things of the relationship that is eternal, not the construct itself. Of course, you cannot give up on people. But, both sides should want it. An one-sided affair is unsustainable. If one is not able to maintain the relationship in a healthy equilibrium and if it begins to take a toll on mental, physical and emotional health, then it is better to “Leave and let live”.
Before you take the decision, spend some time to weigh the pros and cons. Is there a good enough reason to invest time and energy into saving your relationship? Do you carry a responsibility for the person or people involved? If you answer yes, then you may have to find ways to strike the right balance and re-calibrate the dynamics to keep it going. But, if the reason for continuing the relationship is to maintain a status quo, momentary payoffs and material rewards like butter over bread then it is time to bring down the curtain and start afresh rather than stagnating in your comfort zone.
During the plunge
How to end the relationship ?
This phase is tricky. We live in volatile times where couples end their marriage within 24 hours of saying “I do” and jobs are quit on the spot. It helps to learn the art of ending the relationship on the right note. You will certainly carry the remnants of your present association into your next relationship. Suppose you carry forward bitterness and anger from your previous relationship, then those emotions will surely contaminate your prospective ones.
The Covid-19 imagery vividly drives home the point I have made above. We are all witness to the insidious ways in which an infected person contaminates space and other unsuspecting people he comes in contact with. We can learn a lot from nature if we have eyes to see and ears to hear.
Make sure you are quitting for the right reason. For example, I just quit from teaching at a school after 13 long years. It was a difficult decision to make. But I made sure that I was quitting for the right reason. The decision was based solely on my comfort level in dealing with a situation. I preferred to use my energy and time on something more enduring and meaningful at the point of life that I am in. I did not consider popular trend and opinion.
I am making sure that I carry good vibes and memories with me as I move forward and drop the unpalatable ones as gently and compassionately as I can. Drop the germ. Sanitize your mind and emotions in order to move on, so that your vision is unclouded, your perception is sharp and your growth will take place in the right direction.
After the plunge
It is said, ‘You are the architect of your future’. Existentially speaking, there is no past and future. There is only the Here and Now. What you do now will expand and blossom. So, stay in the present moment. Do what you have to do now, rather than procrastinating. If you are a sincere seeker who does not give up, then there are surprising ways in which the universe opens up to you .
The past few months of pandemic have made us realize that all things are not within our control. We can control our perception and response to a situation. The sea of life is navigated by sheer faith and hopeful anticipation besides well- though out plans and hardwork.
For instance, I had landed the job that I have quit in an extraordinary way 13 years ago. I was a around 40 yrs of age, well beyond my prime, with school going children. I wanted to work because my kids were sufficiently grown up and did not require my undivided attention. That afternoon, as I was contemplating the situation after lunch, the idea that was germinating at the back of my mind took shape and form.
I had heard about this school from a friend. I immediately applied for a teaching post. I handed over the application to the security but it did not go to the right person. After a week of waiting for the call, I rang up a known person working in the school and requested her to locate my application and forward it to the right person. That person did me the favor and I got a call for a demo and the job was mine. The people in authority then, saw much more in me than I saw in myself. I had a fulfilling run of 13 years in the institution.
For 13 long years, I gave the profession the best of my time, energy and attention. Recently, other important issues were emerging in life that were vying for my attention. And then, I decided to call it quits. I will never do a job to just get by. That is me. I prefer to stay true to myself and to my profession. I believe, that as a teacher, I am accountable to life itself. When I am in the flow, I shall find my calling in the next phase of life.
Writing is what I am discovering and enjoying right now 😊